I awoke to the sound of water lightly lapping on the shore of Lake Waco. The leaves remaining on the trees rustled softly in the breeze, and the morning sun on my face warmed me amidst the cold of the winter wind.
I had opted not to set up my small tent last night, thinking that I might still be too close to civilization to get away with the sin of camping without a license. “Funny Texans,” I chuckle to myself. Property rights and public land usage don’t seem as important when staring into the beauty of God’s creation spreading out before you. The wind hit my face again, and though cold, it reminded me that I am a being full of feeling and life, regardless of my circumstances.
A small breakfast of crunched cereal and crushed bread sufficed, each suffering from my hasty packing. Before I carried on, I found myself drawn once more to the beauty of the lake as the sun peeked over it. I stayed for what seemed to me just a few moments, but soon realized that the beauty had consumed my thoughts for hours.
Or, rather, it had cleared my head of thought. For a brief moment, my mind was not firing at all cylinders, and I could rest in the surrounding beauty. Life sufficed to capture my mind and shut down its wheels and cogs, simply enjoying the beauty the sun illuminated for what the sun saw in herself. Looking out, I realize that if I continue this journey, it means that the sun will be my only constant and true companion. The bike and backpack are merely tools, and dear and faithful Rosie is along for the ride, but only the sun will be experiencing it with me.
I took Rosie out of her case, and with her little ukulele voice we sang a song to my newly discovered friend in the form of the sun. The words escape me now, but I know the tune, for it is the tune that my soul sounds when I cannot find the words to speak. Perhaps there were no words at all, but instead simply the sound of discovering within myself a capacity for beauty I too often forget.
A couple came along the beach, and as they approached, my song changed. The wordless melody I sang for the sun was too intimate for strangers, having only discovered it myself a few moments before. They smiled at me, and I at them, but I realize now that I forced myself to do so. They held hands with one another, gazing out at the beauty together, enjoying the silence of one another’s company, interrupted only by the love song I came to play for them.
Both of them were astoundingly beautiful, as if the perfect couple had wandered from my dreams to stand before me now. The man, a handsome blond fellow with bright green eyes and a soft face, looked about as if the world was a plaything to be explored. But the woman really caught my attention. Her wild red hair played in the wind, and deep brown eyes twinkled at me as I played. We looked into one another’s eyes, and she seemed to recognize my facade.
I played for quite some time, hoping she would lose track of her knowledge in the pretend happiness of my playing. Something about their very existence hurt me, deep down into my core. In the way that every newly single person hates couples, I suppose. But this woman looked at me more deeply, as if she knew me in every moment of my existence. The way that other girl used to look at me.
And maybe I only imagined the twinkle. But the twinkle spoke to me beyond any words she could have said. I wanted to lay down, and be comforted by the soft words of a woman who could look at me in that way, but I knew that that was not possible. I played on, the Rosie singing along in the inexplicably sad happiness that only a ukulele can release. I wondered why I sang.
I sang for her, and for her happiness, and for that other girl’s happiness as well. But not for my own.
Eventually, the man seemed to want to continue on, his patience with some bearded biking fool quickly diminishing. He tried to offer me money, but I closed Rosie’s case before he could. The woman and I exchanged another glance, as we understood one another. My heart broke that I could not have the chance to know that beautiful woman. But in some way, without a word passing between us, she knew me as well as I know myself.
There was a kindness there, in her final smile that served as a goodbye. She seemed to me to say, “Go on, my friend. And soon you will see what I have seen. In the distance, there, that is happiness.”
The sun above and the road ahead, now I journey on. Waco is now far behind me, and I am nearing a small town called Valley Mills. I realize as I approach that this is as far away from Waco I have ever been alone in Texas, and the road ahead is totally unknown.
But I must go, for the sun as my companion leads me on. Rosie beside me comforts me. And the unspoken words of that woman stay with me. “Soon you will see what I have seen.”
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